Learned Behaviors

With this new found hunger for life I have found myself reflecting on everything that pertains to me. The way that I grew up, my family, my friendships, the things that make me happy, the things that make me sad, pretty much everything about my existence. Something that I have recently realized is that I have never found anyone quite like me. I have three sisters and one brother, we look alike, but we all have completely different personalities. And believe it or not I am the odd ball. Its not that bad, its fun, and its the truth. Here is an example of my odd ballness, my youngest sister's bday is October 24,my older sisters bday is December 25, my oldest sisters bday is June 26, and my brothers bday is January 28. Look at the day they were born, all in order, all that's needed is the 27th, good thing my bday is March 27th right....wrong its June 4th. There are other things that I can talk about but the truth of the matter is that I never had a problem with being different. From a young age I was comfortable in my skin. I didn't mind playing alone, or playing with others. I didn't see anything wrong with crying after my mother left me. I didn't care about matching clothes, or what my reflection looked like. I was never self conscious. I learned later in life that you are supposed to care what people think about you and have things that you don't like about yourself. I stopped wearing flip flops because I was told me feet were to big. I'm sure they are, but they are my feet and I didn't have much control over them, so why not embrace them. Once I realized that my feet are perfect simply because they are mine I did away with the sneakers and embraced my Fred flinstone hand feet.

In regards to my baking I sometimes find myself discouraged because there are so many wonderful cake decorators out there. Real artists making real art. I am just someone who is fiddling in a possible interest, there is no place for me in this culinary world. Or is there? When I find myself having the negative, counter productive thought I automatically challenge it and remind myself that I am not trying to be like the cake boss, or even the woman that I interned with. I am merely doing something that I enjoy and allowing others to be apart of my journey (by indulging in MarYumms yummies). I am going to leave my mark my way. I cant be the Maryam who put socks on with flip flops because everyone else had issues with themselves, I am going to embrace the Maryam who is comfortable with herself, flaws and all.

Pictured above is a splenda strawberry flower cake and a coconut number six cake, both received positive feedback so that is good with me.

Until next time...

Rolling with the times

I have been thinking about how in the good old days you could save your way to success. I see success in my future (not seeking wealth, but happiness, not despising getting up and going to work every morning), but I am having trouble with the saving part. I have always thought of my savings account as a postponed funds account. Every time I save X amount of dollars an unexpected expense occurs for nearly that same amount. In those situations I remain calm, and tell myself to be grateful for having that money and being able to hand the situation.
When I was younger I was under the impression that life simply happened. Things come to you with little to no effort. Things were supposed to happen, and if you did the first the rest would follow. College leads to a great job. Then you meet your wonderful husband and children follow. Now that I have experienced a little more of this thing called life I have learned that you have to make life happen (with the help of God of course). For three years I have gone to work simply to pay my bills, sometimes coming up short :( During those three years I applied for jobs religiously, jobs that I was over, under and perfectly qualified for, but have had no success. I personalized my resume, cover letters, emailed people in offices, went to businesses EVERYTHING!! And to my surprise that process has left me empty handed. Through it all I have remained optimistic, although my stinky attitude days came and went. And today I can tell you that my energy is no longer invested into landing that "dream job", all of my wonderful energy is invested in me making that dream job. So far so good :)
***I would like to thank EVERYONE who has supported MarYumms, it truly means a lot.
Until next time...

My life road map

Sometimes in the middle of being frustrated or confused about life I wonder why we weren't supplied with a life outline, blue print, road map, something. Something that allows us to know that we are headed in the right direction. Something that we can refer to that will ease the current stressors because we can peek ahead and see that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Recently a light bulb went off, and I realized that I do have my own life map, my intuition. I have been developing a closer relationship with myself over the past couple of years. And through developing this relationship I have become very comfortable with listening to my heart and filtering through my mind, and that method has been very successful. When I reflect on my younger years, I realized that my biggest and hardest life lessons occurred when I put my instincts on the back burner, and allowed others to make decisions for me. That approach was easier at times, but they ended up leaving the scars that have lasted the longest. In life we have so many authority figures, laws, and moral guidelines that we tend to listen to ourselves last. In doing that I believe that we are missing out on our next set of directions, causing many of us to go into undesired directions. I do not know where I am going to be in a year from now, but I know that today I am in a very good place. And I am extremely grateful for that.

I am a believer in everything happening for a reason. Regrets don't exist, only life lessons. As you already know I would not mind having a real job, an environment in which I have an office, a place that would skip a beat if I was not there.Unfortunately, for the past four years I have been employed at a place in which I belong no where and cancels me when I am not needed. But regardless of my daily job woes I can say that my job has taught me an invaluable tool. The ability to identify a crazy person within moments of meeting them. Now that I am perfecting my skill, I have to remember that when I leave the confines of the hospital I will still encounter crazy people. I recently had an experience in which someone (not a customer, friend, co worker, just some random person) took it upon themselves to give me all of this criticism, when I have been hearing the opposite of their opinions from everyone else. Mind you this was not constructive it was out of the left field criticisms. I treated the individual normally, but I did get offended and upset. While telling my husband the story, I realized that the individual was crazy, and I should have treated them like I do the patients at work. With no emotional involvement, keeping calm and respond as if they were normal. That incident reminded me to keep my cradar (crazy people radar) on, because if you give into some one's madness it could ruin your day.

Yesterday I completed another flower cake (pictured above). This was the first one with chocolate fudge frosting. The fudge gave me some minor problems, but after I had a good talk with it, it changed its attitude. The happy birthday was supposed to be the flower's leaves :( Ill work on that for next time. Today I am selling after Juma, I am introducing a new flavor banana with chocolate cream cheese (pictured above). We will see if they sell out. Until next time...